post baby warning

Ok so there where so many things people 'warned' me about pre baby arriving that Was actually BS, but theres a few bits of 'inside info' that is correct and then ALOT of things people DONT tell you about, number one being the changes in the bod department after giving birth... and... for? Good? (Still experiencing)

SO THEN LADIES...no one bloody told me about 'saggy boob syndrome' (its not an actual syndrome btw) I was 'blessed' with a set of 'enormous' (big for me ok) nockers, for 9 whole months, I filled bras that not even chicken fillets had previously filled, only to find out once the milk had been and gone, so did my 'jordans' and I'm now left with saggy fried eggs what even is that about?! Like how unfair, give me them when I cant even appreciate them or wear nice clothes to 'show them off' and then just 'deflate' them so soon ,i'd just got used to a boobylicious life. fuming.

Hair stubbs... FFS why is this nessesary?! My child is 8 months old (nearly), why am I STILL finding new 'things' as a result of having a baby? like are the sleepless nights and bags under my eyes not enough?, I have a little bit of hair that looks like ive frazzled it with straighteners and its burnt off, but im being told this is mum life hair loss? I thought i'd got away with this one, but obvs mother nature wasn't fully satisfied with the post baby 'stuff' i've been left with and decided to sneek attack me with more! 

Hormones, why are you still hanging around hun? Im not saying I was completley harmoni-ess 'hormone free' angel before having Fredzilla but rather than going 0-10 at the flick of a switch its now more like 0-100 in the blink of an eye, I can be a right fire breathing dragon, or cry at things that are not actually even a crying matter (I literally welled up today at the story of the VS model falling over on the runway WTF Louisa), I am all over the show these days with the H word and i'm not enjoying it.

Baby brain, hold on what was I going to type? no literally this is THE worst, I have lists everywhere, gone are the days of actually cooking anything rather than burning it to a crisp... my evening routine is sort Freddie with dinner, bath bottle bed and then put dinner on, sit down whilst it cooks and jump up out of my seat shouting SHIT SHIT SHIT, at first Josh used to panic, then he laughed, now he is my 'egg timer.' He doesn't let me make him food anymore because he's fed up of a plate of charcoal and ketchup, even the fire alarm has had enough of me, although Its just another 'egg timer' for me, Freddie doesnt even batter an eye lid when it goes of in the day time anymore. 

Remember I spoke about the deflated melons... well yeah that's not the only thing that goes south. You're bum sags too. WOW I'm reeaaallllyyyyyyy selling having a baby aren't I! I used to consider myself having a bit of a bum, now it's more described as a pancake, gone are the days of twerking, Ok I've never been able to twerk, it just would have been nice to put on my CV if I really wanted too try and go all Rhianna!

Eyebags, no that's not a spelling mistake (handbags) I have never ever suffered with bags under my eye no matter how little sleep I've ever had, but just lately, they've really got 'attached' to my face and are making an appearance a little too often, I just don't have time to try and banish them with cucumber pamper sessions, maybe we need to make them a thing of Fashion? because right now they are a HUGE Faux pas.

Holding on for a wee. OMG this for me is the worst thing since having my boy. I'm 25 years of age and I genuinely sometimes get anxiety that I'm going to wet myself in public, I find my self paying attention to the 'Tena ladies' adverts, look I've got nothing against Tena ladies, but I don't quite feel like I should be at a time in my life to even know what these are. I used to look for fire exits when entering a restaurant or shop, its now TOILETS. The midwife said to me, 'Make sure you do your pelvic floors' and did I listen to her? NOPE, do I wish I listened to her... BIG FAT YES. Thankfully I have not wet myself...yet, but bloody hell first signs of needing a wee and I don't care if I was shaking Beyoncé's hand I'm straight to the loo!! it's when there's a que for the toilet and  I just know I'll not make it, I must look like a nutter dancing around looking for the disabled toilets! I recon I'd probs even resort to the MENS if things got that bad, I need a wee just thinking about this...BRB.

So there they are, the  'few' 'wonderful' things I was never told about, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but ladies, it really doesn't just end when you pop that little bundle of joy out, Of course being a Mummy is COMPLETLEY worth it don't get me wrong, but you'd think we'd be at least 'rewarded'  a little more, for the 9 months, labour and night feeds?

Time out

It's not often I 'Get out' these days being a Mummy an all... and I do much prefer nights in with my boys, hot choc (sometimes a glass of red or baileys) in hand, yummy foods and lots of cuddles, TV and fluffy blankets, literally everything I imagined when pregnant... and more! I properly feel content with my family life and absolutely LOVE this new chapter of being parents.

 

Sometimes though, just sometimes Mummy's and Daddys too, (And probs Freddie needs time out from us cray parents always singing and dancing to him not to mention the funny voices and constant kisses)  NEED a bit of time out, whether that's chills with the girls, or a booze fuelled night with Joshy, we ARE human and for me it is nice to have a few hours where I remember I am not just a Mummy, I'm also Louisa. Don't get me wrong it is the best and most rewarding thing having a baby and I literally worship the ground my boy crawls on, but I find myself loosing 'me' now and then, these days just washing my hair is a REAL treat and well, shaving my legs... lets just say its like an extra blanket for Josh when laying next to me.

 

If you see me out out these days its more than likely an 'Occasion' I don't really go out spontaneously anymore, its something I've learnt sinse having our Freds called 'prioritising' and WOW isn't it a new one lol, why could I never prioritise before? it's so easy now!!

 

 So this weekend was my gorgeous 'little' cousin Rosie's 21st birthday party, Rosie lives in Wales so naturally the party was there. Unfortunately with it being the Anthony Joshua fight 20 mins from where she lives, hotels were chocka blok unless you wanted to pay 3k for one night... so Josh had 'boys night' at home, him, Freddie and his 8 year old and Mummy went off to wales for the night.

 

Anxiety set in a few days before, it didn't help that Freddie had had hand foot and mouth virus a few days before, although he was back to himself 48 hours before I was due to leave (otherwise I wouldn't have gone) I still felt anxious about 'leaving him' I knew he'd be in the BEST hands but that 'mum fear' had settled in and was staying whether I liked it or not, he's joined to my hip so being away from him is hard enough, let alone being 3 hours away!, I spent the morning crying and kissing him( the kissing him loads is a normal occurrence), I even cried at breakfast out with my sister and at my make up appointment, I had NOTHING to cry about, had a new outfit, a makeover booked and was seeing lots of family who I hadn't seen for years, but still his smiley little face and big blue eyes didn't leave my mind and the crying carried on through the car journey there, (I even bought a mini bottle of Prosecco for the travel to try and 'calm my worrys')

 

I've only ever had my make up done once, I'm not one that takes agesssss to get ready, so going to get make up done as amazing as it looks and makes you feel just seems too much faff for me, I'd rather get ready quick and get to the pre drinks!! BUT I must say... I may well be sat in an artists chair more often, because I couldn't believe the difference in having someone else 'glam' me up, I'm quite often putting it out there that I don't have a clue about putting make up on and this just proved to me even more that I really don't! *Adds watch tutorials to ever growing to do list*

 

Asides from my anxiety's, I had a brilliant night! lots of Prosecco, dancing until my feet hurt and then some and catching up with 'long lost family' all whilst having regular face times from my little man!!AND for the FIRST TIME EVER... I didn't have a hangover!! anyone who knows me knows that I can literally have 3 glasses of wine and still be badly hangover the next day.. so was a right result!! Thank you Rosie for a party to remember!!!  

 

Here's some pictures!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Maternity wear

So I realise I'm not actually dressing a bump anymore but I thought I'd share how I did dress when I was keith cheggers as so many people asked me where I bought my 'Maternity wear' and some even asked me to sell my bits when I'd finished!

 

Being a lifestyle and fashion blogger I like to reveal a few 'top secrets'... NONE of what I wore when pregnant was maternity wear or any bigger than a size 10.. I realise that sounds totally BIG headed and 'braggy' but I promise you it is not, I'm just basically wanting to make people realise just because we may look like Christmas puddings, if you don't/didn't I HATE YOU (I was allllll bump and quite a lot of chin haha) doesn't mean we can't look, feel good or fit into 'normal' clothing... I done it so TRUST ME, its all about having a play around ladies!! Now I'm also not saying everyone is going to fit into a size 10, what I'm saying is you don't need to go way above your regular dress size just because pregnant.

 

Like seriously, if it's not hard enough when those two blue lines show up and you have to eat healthy, give up Prosecco and jack in cheese and pate at least give us a decent range of clothes...let us look good?! or try anyway? why is 'maternity wear' so flipping drab? just because 'all things fun' have been taken away for 9 months (Rides, dancing for more than ten mins because of cankles and sex in most positions) don't suck the life out of my wardrobe yeh? 

 

Below are a few maternity outfits...

 

 

So I tried to be quite clever with my outfits, the white shirt I have on is one of my faves from Topshop, just because I couldn't wear It like normal 'done up' didn't mean I couldn't wear at all.. I used as a layer and left open over a size 10 Topshop dress, what I found is I could still wear most of my dresses (stretchy material ones) just obviously they were a lot shorter because of my bump.

 Now in my last outfit description I said about wearing only my 'stretchy dresses' ok this dress IS NOT stretchy it has a zip up the back (Myleene Klass range) and is a size 8... but I was out for a beautiful posh lunch and NEEDED to wear it... how on earth did I fit into it... I didn't. The back was actually only a tiny bit done up, I just made sure I wore the khaki 'duster' (You can just about see it) to cover the undone zip.

 

Story of my life was wanting so badly to wear my lovely heels but not lasting very long so taking an extra pair of shoes with me.

 This outfit is a perfect comfy outfit, a slinky black Zara top in a size 10 and then my lounge wear 'lazy day'  H&M bottoms that are actually meant to look baggy anyway, I'd of usually worn higher up without bump, but to make this outfit work I wore them just under, they can be loosened to so wasn't uncomfy and the top covered over the 'waist band' of the trackys. My jacket is a Miss guided number, perfect for 'chucking on' and adding a bit of 'sass?' lol! I think by this point I had flipflops on... flippin swollen feet.

 This is a work outfit, I love a good tight fitted pencil skirt... the thought of putting them to the 'For when I've had the baby' pile just didn't work in my brain, so I made it work on my bump! the waist band of this primark pencil is black, so I teamed with a black skirt and just wore it up really high, ok so this would have looked stupid if the waist band didn't match the top colour, because this way it gave the illusion that it wasn't so high when really I was impersonating Simon cowell.

I cant get my head around this picture.. I was 37 weeks plus 2 days! wheres my big bump lol?! these are not maternity jeans, these are good old Topshop Jonis, basically just worn really low (being high waisted theres extra 'give' in them) and then the un-done-ness was covered with a basic stretchy black top and then a miss guided shirt left open to spruce things up

 So with the previous outfits I've spoken about leaving shirts open, the shirt under this dress is done up as you can see, I've only been able to do wear it done up because the dress is covering what the shirt is showing (a lot of bump) I went to a size 10 with the dress as I wore it with chunky jumpers too!

 This is the day before I gave birth, a tight Topshop number, I really think its important to embrace the bump! I enjoyed showing off my bump, so tight stretchy bits were a regular when pregnant.

 

So to conclude, for me it was important to still try and feel 'nice' I felt so crappy with my pregnancy in a lot of ways that, my wardrobe was a tiny little escape, Just because something doesn't do up... doesn't mean you cant wear it (as long as still comfy) just wear in different ways! have a play around! embrace that bump!!!

 

 

Our story

Ok, so I can't even believe I am about to be nice about a... boy (Man)

nearly 4 years ago (Jesus Christ has it been that long already?!) it was totally UNHEARD of, I hated men, loved partying with my besties and just wasn't interested in the whole getting a 'snuggle partner' and settling down...nnuuhhh uhhhh, no thank you! 

 

I lived in a HUGEEEE 3 story 4 bed house with 3 of my gal pals and just loved life. I enjoyed spending my evenings running round the house playing hide and seek (really mature huns), jumping on each others beds and cooking dinners together, I mean Girls rule, boys drool right? so who wouldn't be happy with basically 4 wardrobes and a weekend filled with Prosecco and singing into hairbrushes whilst making a stage out of chairs? The only commitment in my life, apart from my full time job...lols was, well....nothing!!! I was truly happy on my own and wasn't looking for 'love.'

 

With our own place and a love for a night out, weekends were spent throwing partys and throwing up after one too many, not to mention the hangovers from HELL.

 

It was May bank holiday weekend and another 'Party back at ours' a group of lads we knew were over, there was this short boy Josh I hadn't met before ,so I threw him an insult in a banter kind of way as an 'ice breaker' and he gave it right back to me... Hmmm? this is refreshing I thought STRAIGHT AWAY,now this is totally not me being big headed as I'm sure its the same for every girl, but I was sooooooooo bored of blokes giving me compliments because they thought its what I wanted to hear, or would get them into my bed, we continued to 'insult' each other in a flirty banter kind of way and then I gave him a drunken tour of my house... hahaha!! no seriously, that's not like code words for doing 'the deed' I genuinely showed this short boy around my house, poor love probs thought it was, only to be shown where I brushed my teeth, kept my coats and watched air crash investigations (my fave) star fished under my duvet.

 

He sent me a message on Twitter the next morning saying 'Party at yours again tonight' to which I told him to 'ask me when im drunk' The thought of seeing a bloke again and planned was a bit weird sober, but it wasn't a date I told myself, it was nothing more than mates and we had a laugh the night before so I thought why not? and there'd be a few of us again, so he did as I said and asked me later that evening if him and the boys could come over. This happened most weekends, it was sort of like a routine, we'd have a night out and then 'the boys' would come back after a night out, nothing 'sleazy' and we weren't 'doing the deed' which again was refreshing to just have male company that wasn't 'leading anywhere.' Me and Josh would text alllllll day everyday, never anything soppy, but a little flirty and always full of insults haha!! (banter type insults) again refreshing, Josh clearly worked out quickly that I wasn't looking for dates or a boyfriend or even anything 'between the sheets' just fun filled weekends and a right good laugh.

 

A few months down the line and things between me and josh progressed, in a relaxed type of way though but there were clearly feelings on both sides, he told me he was coming over to watch Xfactor, although I fancied him I wasn't sure I was quite ready for a 'cosy night in' with him, I enjoyed what it was so I told him I was busy. Fair play to the boy, he didn't give up and he finally got his night in with me, which did end up turning into a drunken one with the girls and some other boy pals but nether the less, I'd agreed to a night just me and him so surely this meant something?

 

It was the week leading up to Christmas (6 months after first meeting), we text each other every day, he'd stay round most weekends and neither of us were seeing anyone else, we actually went on our first proper 'date' I know people are probs thinking... 6 months and no date, but like I said, I wasn't down to date I enjoyed the relaxedness of our situation and I made it very clear to Josh I don't rush into things. As usual we were having a brilliant night, it felt right being out together and we clearly enjoyed each others company, we never 'labelled us' we just sort of went with the flow, so when Josh bumped into a friend and he asked 'how long we'd been together' Josh told him a few months, I didn't know how to react to his answer because we weren't together, we'd not had 'that convo' but secretly inside I loved his answer and I had little butterfly's, obv I played it cool as a cucumber though and gave him some banter for basically just telling his mate I was his GF, 'without my permission'. We went back to mine so I could grab some heels and we could call a taxi to go out, I walked into my dining room where Josh was sat with a HUGE fancy dress sharks head on and smoking a fag... he doesn't even smoke hahaha!! once I'd sat down he said to me (still with the sharks head on) 'I'd like you to be my girlfriend' Romantic or whattttt?!  I went all embarrassed and asked him to ask me when he was sober, he continued to ask me all night and then obviously again in the morning.

 

So a changed Facebook relationship status & Nearly 4 years later and we now have a place together and a little baby Freddie.

 

I literally have the biggest smile on my face writing 'Our story' because to me It was perfect, I hadn't been looking for someone to come and sweep me off my feet or take me on fancy dates to try and impress me, I had literally been waiting for a 'Josh' to come along. The boy just got me and slowly broke down my huge big wall I had up and that's how I knew he was and still is the one.

 

And now I'm a huge big soppy puppy dog and couldn't imagine my life without him.

 

 

3648 days...

Frustration, confusion, loneliness , denial, heartbroken, emptiness. 6 of the many emotions that I struggled with after loosing my Mum and I probably do still struggle with a few of them feelings 10 years on but I also have new feelings, of realisation, peace and acceptance.

If you haven't lost your Mum or a parent, you won't fully understand the depths of grief a person goes through when they loose someone that close, they can tell you their 'Sorry to hear' and 'Always around for a shoulder to cry on' which is lovely but they wont be able to understand the empty feeling and the sheer heartbreak.

 Your Mother is the one who brought you into this world, rocked you to sleep as a baby, put plasters on your knees and kissed them better when you fell over ,she also kissed your head and told you everything would be ok when you were feeling down and My AMAZING Mum done all of the above and SO much more.

This weekend marked 10 years since I lost my 'bestest friend' and although I've had to learn to live with it, it doesn't make it any less painful. I think about her every single day without fail, most days it's beautiful memories and things that make me smile, but I do have the occasional days where I have a good old cry. It sounds crazy but I've sort of trained myself to put the stomach wrenching feeling and bad memories of the day it happened all to the back of my brain, because as much as I'm still heartbroken I have to get on with my life, for the sake of my own sanity and what my Mum would want.

I mentioned earlier the feelings that have come to me since loosing her ' realisation, peace and acceptance. We lost my Mum VERY suddenly, but I have come to realise this was the best way and I am now at peace knowing she chose to end her life, no matter how crazy that sounds to people, it's what she wanted and I'd much rather that than her life taken from her out of her control and it's how I deal with the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I was 15 went 'it' happened, our last words to each other where 'love you' on the phone, this wasn't anything out of the ordinary we always told each other we loved each other at the end of a call and my god aren't I glad we did because I will never ever forget her saying those 2 words & I will continue to tell loved ones that I love them before hanging up, because this time I found my beautiful Mummy dead just one hour later.

I'm aware that last sentence was very brutal, but its the harsh reality of suicide, someone is always going to find the 'body' and have deal with the scary situation in front of them, I called the ambulance and tried to resuscitate her and although it will forever live with me, I am SO glad my little sister didn't find her (12 at the time) and I'm also glad my Dad didn't either, because I've dealt with it and feel incredibly lucky that it hasn't had any lasting effects... I don't think? infact it's made me so much stronger, it may not have been the same for my Dad or sister who knows, but I've taken it on my shoulders and dealt with it. The image is the part 'I've put to the back of my brain' And I suppose I've kind of 'deleted' it in a round about way, It's not something I'll allow myself to replay, unless talking about it.

I'll never forget breaking it to my Dad when he came home, the ambulance crew were at our house doing what they could (I knew it was too late even though I prayed for a miracle in my little downstairs toilet) we all sat in the living room and cried and screamed and cuddled, I shouted at the paramedic 'your lying' when he told us she was definitely gone, even though I knew he wasn't lying, id seen for myself, but my heart wouldn't let me believe him, how could she be gone?! Then there was the terrifying job of breaking it to family and friends, our family is huge and all over the UK and my Mum was so loved, our house was full within a few hours, everyone had travelled from everywhere to be with us at this heart breaking time.  For a week after I slept in her favourite coat (I say slept, but I mostly just cried), it comforted me, it upset me but most of all it reminded me of her smell. I remember going into my kitchen and falling to the floor wondering how I was going to cope without her?! but its 10 years on and I think I'm doing pretty well considering!

A lot of people say to me 'Aren't you angry at your Mum for leaving you?' How on earth can I be angry? I'm upset of course that I have to live my life 'Mum-less', but what sort of dark place must she have been in to take her own life and leave us behind? I'm sure it was the last thing on her mind about who would find her, and what effects it would have on us all through life, and I have to respect that it was her decision, and her life, and who am I to judge? I've been through some scary mental health but have never ever felt suicidal so what on earth was she going through! this world wasn't for her and it would be selfish of me to put my feelings first, I have no doubt in my mind that she loved the bones off of us but clearly something so strong was going on 'behind closed doors' that her love for us wasn't enough to keep her here. I struggle the most with thoughts like If I'd of been older could I have helped in some way? could I of tried to understand? but I was 15, she wouldn't have wanted me to understand and that is why she kept it so well hidden, to protect us whilst she could ,whilst she was still here and had it left in her to.

Although it's still hard and she's missed out on so much, my prom, big birthdays and most recent her 1st Grandson, I really do just want to thank her from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you Mum for bringing me into this world, for spending 15 amazing years with me... teaching me, giving me certain traits, good and bad lol! and just most of all being my Mum, I couldn't have asked for anyone better, you gave everything you could to us whilst you were here.

I spoke to a psychic when I was about 20, I remember feeling so so nervous, I've never believed in that 'shit' but was still scared? my pal begged me to go so I reluctantly agreed. My Mum came through, the lady told me, the month , how it happened and how old she was.. how the flipping hell could she know all that? she didn't know mine or my friends name? there was one thing she said that will always stick with me 'She's not saying too much because of the way she died, she's ashamed' I don't want her to be ashamed, I'm not, I love her and always will.

It's taken me 3 days to write this post, I struggled with how I should tell this story and cried a few times, but there's no sugar coating suicide , mental health and its devastating effects, there is just NOT enough being done about it even 10 years on, it shouldn't be the only way out for people.... our loved ones and it should be spoken about so much more.

To lighten up this post here are a few pics in which we celebrated her life on the 10th anniversary.

Labour day

8 days overdue and counting... every flipping second. I swear to god I started to think things like 'Am I actually pregnant?!' 'What if there isn't actually baby in my belly' because by this point I was FED UP (and a little delirious) i'd spent my whole pregnancy fed up, tired, achey, sick & hormonal... I say 'hormonal' I actually mean I was the REAL LIFE Devil, I never even knew myself I had this level of inner CRAZY, one minute I was fine the next I wanted to punch Josh for cutting his toast in rectangles rather than triangles , I even went as far as chucking a plate of chicken across my living room after a slight disagreement with poor Josh ,then I spent the next two days crying at the 'chicken chucking episode' because I was embarrassed by my behaviour and couldn't work out where it was coming from?! I've never been one to suffer with 'hormones' I never get moody or emosh around TOTM or have 'pmt' so these surges of emotion were very new and really getting to me!! 

So back to the point... 8 days over due was... HELL. I'd had a sweep (for those of you who don't know what a sweep is, basically the midwife opens up your cervix with her fingers *insert monkey face with hands over eyes here* not at ALL pleasant)... which done NOTHING, and was due to have one on the 10th day overdue. On the eve of the 8th overdue day, i'd decided enough was enough.. I was getting on my pregnancy ball for the 10 millionth time, (Josh looked at me like 'again...really') and was not getting off until my baby boy was born in that living room... ok a bit dramatic but you get meeee?! I was desperate ok, I had been saying to Josh, I don't care how painful labour is I want the pain to come, (regretted that when contractions got into full swing didn't I hahaha)

40 minutes I done on that ball of the biggest 'circles' (rotate to dilate) you've ever seen, I put every single ounce of effort into it... I looked at the time... gone 10, and said to Josh 'I'm going to bed' obviously the ball hadn't worked... AGAIN, and Had in my head that I would need to be induced, as I got up in a huff I felt these weird pains, ones I hadnt felt before.... 'oooohhh' I thought but instead of getting my self at it like every other time I went to brush my teeth... these pains felt 'different' though and I just knew... I say pains, but they weren't painful just knew they were there. I told Josh 'something was happening' and took myself to bed in a hope that my waters would break through the night. 

5.30am, 9th day over f*cking due... I woke up to daylight and no 'water' BUT those different pains were WORSE omg I was so excited (weirdo) I managed an hour of them and Breathing them out before I woke Josh to tell him! By 12oclock I was in a LOT of pain and the contractions were lasting over a minute and didn't have long in-between, so Josh and I got the notebook out and started timing and recording, they got to the point where I thought 'shit this is gona happen here' so we rang the birthing unit and were asked to come down to be examined. OMG why the hell is the maternity unit at the BACK of the hospital?! Jesus christ, I waddled down the corridors in so much pain, letting out little 'aaahs' every time I had a contraction, one man even looked at me and said 'Are you ok' I wanted to shout in his face 'What does it F*%king look like pal?!?' , anyway... in to the room I went, only to be told I was ONE cm dilated and that they would not keep me in until I was 4... I thought about offering £1000 to just keep me in and get this baby out. The midwife offered me some liquid morphine which I declined (Stupid idiot Louisa) and sent me on my way. 

Back at home things got worse very quick... I was rolling around my bed in pure agony telling Josh I wanted an epidural, Josh sat with me and I remember thinking 'I just cant do this' I was already so tired and worn out how could I carry on if I had to get to 10cm to have my baby and I was in this much pain at just 1cm! Josh ran me a bath and I got in to try and relax, now relax and contractions just don't work together, things were getting unbearable and I felt a slight pushing sensation( I now know this was just pressure), it had only been an hour since I'd been at the hospital so I was just so confused, we called El, my sister in law as she had just had a baby 6 months before and her and Ollie (Josh's bro) came to the rescue with baby Sofia... Elise saw and heard my pain and just knew it was time for me to go back to hospital. 

So the journey to the hospital was eventful to say the least, the 'seating plan' was Ollie driving El sat in the front, Me, Josh in the middle and Sofia the other side of Josh. a few minutes into the journey and I experience the mother of all contractions and am literally clinging onto those handle things above the windows ,not a clue what they are called LOL and I let out a HUGE cry of pain (not actual tears but you know what I mean??) poor Sofs looked at me like "What is Auntie Lou doing in MY car screaming like that" and obv thought to herself "Is that the best you've got?" and started screaming herself, So as you can imagine Josh is in the middle trying to calm two screamers, Ollie completely distracted from the road, El twisted at 180 degrees trying to calm Sofs but with every contraction I have, Sofia gets louder. Eventually we made it.

Round 2, de ja vu waddling through the hospital but this time in so much more pain. The same midwife examined me... and this time I was FOUR cm's I cried tears of happiness that I could stay in hospital and i'd be leaving with my TWO boys! 

I wanted a water Birth so Kerry my midwife, looked at the clock and said its 6pm now, I don't think this baby will be here tonight but probably early hours of tomorrow so we wont move you over to the room just yet and off she toddled to do some paperwork, whilst I was on the bed in my dress high on gas and air... 10 mins after Kerry had left the room to do paper work I felt a sudden urge to push... I told josh to press the button and get her back in the room, to which he replied 'your not pushing Louisa your waters haven't even broken' so I shouted GET HER IN HERE NOW I AM PUSHING, whilst taking a huge breath of gas and air (stuff is aammmaazing, I obv hadn't been drunk in 9 months and it took me straight back to after having a few too many pinots, I was actually on the phone to my Dad's GF saying "I'm out ma nutttttt" haha CHAV) ladies that have given birth and experienced your body just pushing you will know exactly what I mean... so with some stern words and a gab of his t-shirt Josh pushed the button and in she came and I shouted I'M PUSHING ,she didn't believe me herself so told me she was going to have a look at my 'downstairs bits' when I had my next contraction, contraction came and her head was in my bits (Honestly you do not care about your bits being out, I would have had 100 people come in and look if it meant my baby was going to come quicker) ... and I will never forget her saying 'OK we are having this baby NOW' I bloody knew it I thought to myself, but too worn out to 'point score' with Josh! She frantically got the 'equipment' ready to deliver and I carried on 'doing my thing' I really got in the zone and focused on my breathing and pushing, I surprised my self but if there is one tip I can give is just listen to your midwife and FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS on your breathing, I really believe this is how I done it on just gas and air, I don't have a high pain threshold At all but I bloody done it with no pain relief and am so proud! Now that's not to say that ladies who do have pain relief shouldn't be proud, but personally for me I am a huge wimp so it was a little personal achievement. 

Back to the contractions... I started the pushing, my waters still had not broke at this point, so Kerry continued to monitor The baby and his heart rate which was absolutely fine so she didn't want to play about and pop my waters incase it ended up causing him distress. After a little bit of pushing, my contractions stopped (I was rather out of it at this point on gas and air so have been told this bit by josh) but he said they stopped for a good few minutes and Josh and Kerry looked at each other and told me to give one HUGE push, so huge that where my legs where up on stirrups one of them collapsed (Go on muscles) I pushed with what I had left in me and shouted... 'HE's NOT GOING TO FIT OUT OF THERE' (Ring of fire moment, again, ladies who have given birth understand this) my waters still hadn't broke... Freddie Wills Robinson was born On Mothers Day in his sac on (1 in 80,000 my waters never broke) at 18.52 weighing 7lb 3oz. Labour day truly was an AMAZING experience, of course it was painful but my little man is worth every second of pain and I can hand on heart say I'd do it all again tomorrow!

I cant wait to share my life as a Mummy with everyone who reads my posts!!

 
IN LABOUR

DAY BEFORE LABOUR DAY

 MORNING OF LABOUR DAY
(MOTHERS DAY)

FEW DAYS BEFORE GIVING BIRTH

 ON MATERNITY LEAVE

 TRYING THE OLD WIVES TALES

FINDING OUT BOY OR GIRL

GENDER SCAN

 

Rome wasnt built in a day!

Well it's been a while... and what better topic to come back with than about the amazing new company I am partnered with and so so excited about! 

It's so hard to get across just how amazing this opportunity is on a Facebook status or Instagram post especially for sceptics!! (Like I was to start with) there's also the people that think it's 'a load of rubbish', but i'm not here to reach out to the people that think it's 'a scam' (Yessssss of course it is, what would I be gaining if it didnt actually work? Like why would I waste my time? 😂) 'Surely they cant make any money' ( Did you know, this company makes a millionaire every 3 days, how many millionaires do you have at your job? I may not be anywhere near that but at least i know its possible and I'm on that ladder!!! Its better to be at the bottom of a ladder you want to climb than half way up one you dont as I see it)  or 'how annoying are network marketers' ( How annoying are the people that write things like that... please just delete me lol) because quite frankly I'm not interested in working with anyone whos that small minded and unhappy in themselves that they have to put people down that are trying to better their life's for a few facebook 'likes'.... bitch pleaaassseeeeee. For me the small minded people give me that extra boost to succeed but to some people who may have just started out and not 100% confident it could really knock them, does that actually make you feel good? Imagine someone knocking your childs confidence? Or a loved one? Not nice is it? TRUST me when I say, I am already bettering my life in SO many different ways in such a short amount of time, the first being my bank balance, not to mention, my confidence and my shiny hair and skin!!!! I'm on a serious high about my future with this company. 

Now I'm not going to lie, I was a little sceptical at first (Sounded too good to be true) and you know what I dont blame people for thinking that, even my own boyfriend said I was wasting my time, preached that the before and afters were 'photoshopped' it was all a 'pyramid scheme' so I thought RIGHT.... so what I done was replaced all our toothpastes with the Ap24 whitneing toothpastes that I stock and he had continued to tell me 'dont work' fast forward two weeks, I wake up to brush my teeth... and guess whos taken the tube to work with him to brush after his lunch.... now he's on the te greens and our mens range!!!!!! Just goes to show... its worth goving things a try! what if I don't make any sales? What will people think? I don't think I'm confident enough!? I don't have enough time! Fast forward 2 months and those thoughts are just laughable and really poor excuses that I put in my own way... and I SO SO wish I had started sooner! They're totally normal thoughts don't get me wrong, but just crazy how quickly I was proved wrong... by none other than....myself!!!!! My own worst enemy!! The person holding me back, and my own devil on my shoulder. 

For starters... sales is literally just 10% of what I do!!! I can not stress that enough! You DO NOT have to 'push products' on people no no no! Im the least pushy person it's just not me so if that were the case i'd have failed... yet i've already hit my first milestone, enough said, and besides... the products are that fab they literally sell themselves!!! What will people think though? For me this was a big one... (Which I quickly got over) but you know what, if you're friends have anything other than praise and support for you wanting to get out of your 9-5, get off of benefits, clear any debt, save for a house, buy that car you've always dreamed of or just plain and simple want to better your family's future, then reality check... they are NOT you're friends, simple... end of. There's no beating around the bush when it comes to this sort of thing. I don't know about you but I enjoy seeing people succeed! If one of  your friends got a new job in a bar or on a beauty counter how amazing is that? So why is it any different for someone in network marketing? I quickly realised this and as soon as I stopped 'giving a you know what' more things changed in my business, If my friends don't want to support me then i'm more than happy for them to delete me... because the harsh reality is, my future is changing with or without Anyone. And for the rest of the people on your social media that arent friends but your worried what they think... do they pay your bills or care about you? Nuhhhhh uh honey... they probs dont give a monkeys... get over yourselfs!!! Confidence was also a BIG issue and my amazing upline Jade has probably pulled a few hairs out over my confidence... but she totally gets it and we are all human but you know what, the more things I do out of my comfort zone the more my confidence grows and again... the more my business has grown... can you see the pattern and how it all goes hand in hand?! And lastly... time, I hear this soooooo much, seriously we all have completely different lives day to day but I'm honestly sick and tired of hearing that poor excuse, if you want nice things and a better future you MAKE time I bet you have time to scroll through social media? Take selfies? Chat to friends?? Then you have time for this... I literally get paid to do those 3 things and its bloody brilliant. I have a 10 week old son , a flat to look after and a new house that is being decorated with 9 days to move into.. as well as friends and family to see, and running a team of girls and life itself but you know what, I see what this business is already doing for me and my team and I know time can not be an excuse, you get out what you put in. 

It is COMPLETELY FREE to join this business but you know what, sometimes I wish it wasn't and that you had to buy a kit or something, then people would may take it a bit more serious, and understand.... this is a REAL LIFE, GROWN UP business...not a joke, not a 'phase'. I cant get my head around the people that join network marketing, do a bit of posting for a day and then complain its 'not for them' Jesus christ... have you not heard of the saying 'Rome wasn't built in a day' it is SO TRUE Important work takes time! If you want something amazing you have to work for it! You cant 'crack' this business in a day because it is REAL, it takes work, it takes commitment and it takes consistency! It is NOT a get rich quick scheme. Understand those few things and your already 'cracking' it. 

So there it is.... a little bit about my new venture!!!! If anyone has any questions at all, or has read all of the above and thinks this is for them... give me a message! My team and I provide FULL training and support!!!